How to get married.

1. Find something old.
2. Find something new.
3. Find something borrowed.
4. Find something blue.
5. Find something to eat.


Finally. The perfect white dress. On the perfect day. With the
perfect company. Bugs Bunny, Lucy the headless ballerina and four
and half bars of ivory soap.

Sure it's a little early, but it's really never too early… for Halloween!

You are so excited that you try on the dress. You tell your Dad to
set up the video camera while you eat more soap bars.

You just want to say the words "I do" so bad.
That means you are a grown- up.
"Now Dad, you're suppose to say- do you take this loft fully wetted as a husband.
And I say I do.
And then you lift this white lace thing off my face.
And then you say now you are a bride.
And then I throw the bouquet.
And then I dance."
(Oh how you love to dance.)

"Who are you going to marry?"
"Ummmm."
"Will you take me as your loft fully wetted husband?"
"Ew, no Dad, it's not like that."
"Then, what is it like?"
"Do you take Mom?"
"No. No."
"Then who?"

You forgot about that part. Think. Who do you know? You want a
male. That eliminates half. You want someone around your age group.
You want someone that you talked to and had fun with. Someone you've
known for at least a few days? Right? Is that it? Yeah that about
simmers it down to one person.
Your cousin, Vinny*.
"Um, I think Vinny…"
"Vinny! Hahaha."
"Do you take Vinny as your husband?"
"I do."
"Hahahaha."
"Dad!"
"You like Vinny?"
Your face turns red.
You hide it under your white lace thing.
You wish you had said you would marry your mom.

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* Name has been changed for protection.