12 June 2006

How to say your first word. (That other people understand.)

1. Be strong to your own native language.
2. Be cultured to learn of others.
3. Be open minded.
4. Be sucked into their cult.

You are playing with your face as usual. Your parents come towards you. Do not mind them. Keep playing with your face.

“Chugulampaboogigaha!(1)” they say.

What the hell does that mean? Maybe they are trying to tell you that you are pootienana(2) or that you look a young balooga(3)or that you just won a million nipples(4)! Muahahaha!

Speak English Mom and Dad... if those are even their names.
It is annoying but it’s not abnormal. This happens all the time, ever since you got out of the womb. They open their mouths and sounds come out but intelligence does not. Neither does googoogaga(5).
You can definitely use a googoogaga right about now.

But you are already half a year old. If this continues, how are you even going to pee on the mootootoo(6)? You wanted to do that for such a long time now.
That could be a problem.

All right fine. Learn a little. Adapt to their language a little but still stay true to your native language.
Memorize the way their lips move and match it with the sounds produce.
Point at things. They tend to tell you what it is you are pointing at.
Trust. If you point at a bababee(7) and they say electric toxic acid boiler outlet. Believe it. Even if it does not make sense at all.

All this learning is making you hungry.
Uh Oh.
But food is one of the categories of words you promised yourself that you wouldn’t change.
“Pragluekaslumavideoipod!(8)” you say.
They don’t understand.
Damn it.
Well. This is going to go against all of what you lie down on your back for. And no matter how unjustified this seems. No matter how shameful. You give in.
You must. It will happen sooner or later.
You open your mouth.
Let air pass through your vocal passage.
Press in your diaphragm.
Purse your lips.
Lift your tongue.
And let them understand you for the first time.

“There are too much enzymes in my milk.(9)”

1. Stop scratching your face!
2. Adopted
3. Chef Boyardee
4. You are perverted
5. Boobie
6. Sofa
7. Electric toxic acid boiler outlet
8. Feed me bitches!
9. I hate most dairy products.


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